“I’m sure he’ll look long and hard to cure what ails me, Finkley. I know you’re sorry to loose the extra income, but I’m sure you can live without that extra week in Hawaii this summer.” I replied.
“It’s Ms. Finkley, and you know that my interest was in helping you, that’s why I’m in this field.” She didn’t look up, just continued to shuffle papers and file them away.
“Right. Okay, so the hour’s up, can I go now?” I stood and brushed the wrinkles out of my jeans and straightened the cuffs on my blouse. I stood out like a smudge in her white office.
From my feet to my eyes I was dressed in black. Suede boots, black jeans that hugged to my hips, a black cotton blouse with three quarter, French cuff sleeves. Two leather bracelets, a row of silver diamond shaped studs on one and spikes on the other, ornamented my right wrist. I left the top two buttons undone on my blouse to show my pale skin through a translucent lace tank underneath. A hematite ankh dangled and glittered from a choker on my neck and thick black eye liner laced my silver-gray eyes. The streaks in my medium-brown hair came out more in the office lighting. The same as the harsh lighting made my skin glow whiter than it really is.
Finkly looked me up and down, shook her head slightly and gave a long awaited sigh before coming to her own two feet. I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at her, waiting for my dismissal. She walked towards me and almost seemed tired, maybe even defeated.
“The really sad thing is Kathy, you know your behavior isn’t normal.” She shook her head again. “I would normally be worried about a client if they showed as much reluctance as you to let someone in. Yet, I have watched you grow some on your own and I have no doubt you will eventually outgrow this stage. You are a strong young woman, and I feel you can overcome anything at this point. As soon as you realize your capabilities.”
I just looked at her. Perhaps if I had taken anything from these sessions I would have cried, hugged her, thanked her greatly, and left looking over my shoulder and waving. But, I hadn’t, and I wouldn’t. “Great, thanks, and with that said I’m leaving. Don’t corrupt too many kids now that I won’t be around for you to poke at.”
I left her standing there in awe of my lack of emotion. Grabbed my jacket off the rack by the door, and sauntered out into the autumn air. It stung at my cheeks and whipped strands of my hair down in front of my eyes. I didn’t bother to move them. I heard an engine rev up and turned to see Casey sitting across the street waiting for me.
My parents hadn’t bothered meeting him. The fact they thought I was socializing was enough for them not to care whom it was with, at least for now. Casey had natural blonde hair that reached about mid-back. He almost always kept it tucked behind his ears. He had a light natural tan, and blue eyes with dark lacey eyelashes. His black firebird kept purring loudly as he pushed up and down on the gas. He grinned at me.
“All better now Princess?” His eyes twinkled. The twinkle was a lot different than Finkley’s. It wasn’t a fake “here let’s be friends” twinkle. It was just Casey, he was enjoying himself, at my expense, but it was him.
“Yup, the best cure in the world; not having to return.” I popped the car door and jumped in. He sped off and I stared off out the window at the passing houses.
A lot of people would have called me a disturbed teenager. They were right of course, but it was justified.
My daddy died when my mother was still pregnant with me. I never knew all the details, something about him getting involved in a fight between some kids. One pulled out a gun and Daddy just happened to be in the bullet’s way. I guess the funeral was nice. The newspapers made him out to be a hero. Mother always said she’d rather have had a coward than a hero. A coward would still be alive.
His death left her to raise me, and Brian. My parents never thought they’d have kids. Medically, they thought it was impossible. Mom doesn’t talk about it, it annoys her enough with all the scars I left because she couldn’t have me naturally, and I had to be cut out of her. So, they adopted a boy named Brian.
Then here came me, there went Dad, and Brian and I were left with one parent who could barely fend for herself, let alone two children. Brian took care of me, watched over me, and protected me. Five years later, and along came Jeff, my stepfather, like a spider in a family of flies. Life was not the happy little family it should have been…which eventually led to Brian running away.
I still remember him running out the door, into the rain, me trailing behind calling after him. I cried out his name but he was so far ahead of me he couldn’t hear. Or maybe he didn’t want to.
I slept in his room ever since then. I moved my own things in of course but it still had that feel that someone else lived there. Sometimes when I'm alone in the house, sitting at his desk, it’s almost as though any minute he’s going to walk through the front door. He would come straight to his room. I’d be sitting there, waiting for him as usual. He’d drop his backpack by the dresser and plop down on the bed next to me.
It never happened though. Every now and then I catch myself crying, still disappointed when it doesn’t. I isolated myself away from everyone because of this, because of losing him. Casey was my friend, but we both knew we’d never share any intimate or private moments. He knew if he one day didn’t show up at my house after school, or I didn’t sit down like I owned the spot next to him at lunch, it wouldn’t phase us.
“Hey, if you keep looking so serious Kat I might actually feel bad about not attempting to cheer you up.” Casey broke my train of thought and I turned to him.
“Why don’t you turn the radio on, you won’t notice I’m not talking then.”
“Hey, that almost sounded upset. Is there something going on I should be concerned about?” He kept his eyes on the road when he talked. He loved to show his car off and feel cool when the engine roared, but he was paranoid of anything happening to it. A careful driver in a sports car, a rare sight indeed.
“Why should you be concerned?” I simply looked at him, my voice dead from any annoyance, or feeling.
“You tell me.”
“You shouldn’t, nothing going on any different than normal. Any plans for tonight?” I turned and continued looking out the window. The trees were all turning and dropping leaves that were bright, fire engine red. Autumn is a beautiful time of year.
All works on this page were written by and under copywrite to Krystal Hicks 2002.